Jim-isms

By Glenn Miller

GOD’S WORD: “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14

My friend Jim is a very quick-witted man and one who posts on social media certain phrases that cause a chuckle or, more often than not, a rolling of the eyes. I call these “Jim-isms.”

So today, to take a break from the usual mode, I’d like to just have some fun and share these with you in hopes to give you a grin across your face… or cause your eyes to roll:

I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by; I kneaded the dough.

I lost my job as a stage designer; I left without making a scene.

Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

People shouldn’t look down on me just because I’m lazy. I didn’t do anything!

If you get too big for your britches, you may be totally exposed in the end.

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

They say to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. So now I’m sitting in HR, dressed up in my Batman costume.

If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. I now have Heinz-sight.

I was at the grocery store and just before I left, I noticed the cashier checking me out.

I got over my craving for chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts; but – I won’t lie – it was a rocky road!

I told my wife that she needs to learn to embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.

Have a safe and blessed day, my friends!